Raising Happy, Healthy Kids
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Expressing Feelings

Learning to express our feelings appropriately helps to reduce our stress and models for our children how to express their feelings as well. One simple tool for expressing our feelings and getting our needs met is to use I-Statements. Mastering the use of I-Statements is a powerful parenting and communication tool. It is useful in all types of relationships in and out of the home. Many parenting students have disclosed that using I-Statements helps them in the workplace both as employers and employees.

 

One reason for this is that using I-Statements says how YOU feel. It does not assume what another person is feeling. It is not putting words in another’s mouth. It opens up the other person to listen, because they are not being attacked. You are merely stating what YOU feel and what YOU want.

 

First remember ALL FEELINGS ARE VALID AND NEED TO BE EXPRESSED!

The formula for I-Statements is as follows:

 

I feel_________________________________________

(describe your feeling)

 

When you____________________________________

(describe the behavior)

Because_____________________________________

(describe why)

 

What I need is________________________________

(describe specifically what you want)

 

If you are angry, see the preceeding section on anger and STOP, CALM, THINK, PLAN before you confront the person you are angry with. Practice rehearsing I-Statements until you are comfortable with them. Remember practice makes perfect.

 

A few other helpful hints while using I-Statements:

 

Maintain eye contact
Remain calm
Stick to one behavior or topic 
Maintain a positive tone of voice and body language 
Listen as well to the other person