Raising Happy, Healthy Kids
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Anger

Anger is O.K. It’s how we express it that may or may not be O.K. Anger is a normal emotional and physiological response to a need not being met. It may be lack of recognition from your boss, or your child throwing a temper tantrum in the grocery store, or maybe your mate did not take the garbage out. You need to express your anger about it. But when you are at the end of your rope, what you say and do may not be appropriate.

 

In order to deal with anger you must first understand why perfectly normal, nice people sometimes react in anger in ways they may regret. When faced with a very stressful situation or a perceived threat, injustice, lack of respect, many of us become angry. When this happens the adrenal glands secrete adrenalin into your bloodstream. Your blood pressure and blood sugar increase. Your pupils dialate. The blood supply to your intestines decreases while the blood to your muscles increases preparing you to "fight or flight." Adrenalin causes your higher reasoning brain (cortex) to take a back seat to your primitive brain stem. The result is rage and you strike out at the object of your anger.

 

How do you prevent this from happening? You can consciously choose to recognize this normal physiological response coming and interrupt the process. First physically remove yourself from the situation before you do or say something you will regret. Go into another room. Ask someone else to watch your child for a few minutes or tell your child, "I need to take a time out to calm myself down."

 

Then think: STOP CALM THINK PLAN

 

STOP and remove yourself from the situation either physically or emotionally. Go into another room if necessary. Stop from hooking in emotionally. Center your energy.

 

CALM Give your body a chance to allow your higher reasoning brain kick in. Choose to stay calm.

 

THINK Think about the goal you want and how you can meet that goal in the most appropriate way.

 

PLAN Think of the choices you have in handling the situation. Which ones are appropriate and will give you the best outcome in the long run? If the object of your anger is another person, visualize staying calm (you are in control of the situation when you are calm) and confronting the person with an I-Statement.

 

There may be times when you can’t confront, even appropriately, the object of your anger. For example, you may find it difficult to tell your boss what you think, even with I-statements, for fear of repercussions. You probably can’t or shouldn’t confront the person who just cut you off while driving. Anger still builds and needs to be expressed before you explode at someone else or turn your anger in toward yourself. When this happens it is important to find daily outlets for your anger and stress.

 

Taking time for yourself to exercise regularly, pursue hobbies or crafts, listen to music, or to have fun as a family are some ways to balance stress and work off anger. Some people find it therapeutic to write an angry letter and not send it. Others are more comfortable expressing their feelings to someone they trust. Learning to express your feelings appropriately on a regular basis is essential to get your needs met and to reduce stress and anger.